Cultivating inner acceptance: Talking Buddhism, Neurobiology and NVC with Peggy Smith

Posted on by Leo Widrich

Welcome to our third episode, where our theme is cultivating inner-acceptance.

We’re talking to Peggy Smith, a non-violent communication teacher who was born & raised in New York and has spent over 40 years living in Maine. Her life changed when she read Thich Nhat Hanh’s book Peace Is Every Step, in 1990 and has been a student in the Plum Village tradition ever since. When she began studying Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication she found effective strategies for practicing Mindful Speech & Deep Listening. Her further study with Sarah Peyton has added the dimension of Interpersonal Neurobiology and Parental Attachment Theory to her ability to navigate her human mind.

Let’s dive in and check out the conversation.

Thanks so much for listening, if you’d like to find out more about Peggy, she hosts a number of workshops and retreats and also provides tons of free resources on her sites. You can take a look at:

  • Open Communication (free Feelings & Needs cards and other resources to download about NVC and Peggy’s work)
  • Clarity Services (Peggy’s business that offers coaching, leadership training and individual consultations)

Let us know any comments you have on our conversation with Peggy and we hope to catch you again for the next episode coming soon!

A year of healing: Leaving an old life in search of inner peace with Merrilee Frable

Posted on by Leo Widrich

On our second episode we’re talking about what happens when you take a year to heal; letting go of old patterns and ways of being, with the radical intention to prioritize self-care and inner transformation for a whole year.

Our co-host Shea led this wonderful discussion with our Tender Heart co-conspirator Merrilee Frable, author of Refuge of the Heart, along with myself Leo. We both left successful careers that were no longer nourishing for us to live a comparatively simple life in monasteries and mindfulness communities in the Northeast, and dedicate a year to healing.

Here’s an overview of what we’ve discussed:

  • Min 2.00 – 5.24: Opening check in on the topic of what it means to take a year to heal and exploration of our present moment feelings around it. Merrilee talked about her intentions that only formulated gradually into her current experience and I noticed a lot of shame around access for others to explore taking a full year off.
  • Min 5.25 – 17.45: What was the moment that supported you in making such a radical shift in your life?
    • Merrilee talks about her struggle with depression and the discovery of her life-line book “Lost Connections“. I’m exploring a big wakeup moment with my friend James that reframed what was at the heart of my life and most important to me. Shea shares his story of discovering Thich Nhat Hanh’s book “Peace is every step“, that completely transformed his outlook on the world.
  • Min 17.45 – 35.05: What are some concrete experiences of healing and how did we experience them?
    • I share my experiences of going from a lens of self-improvement to one of self-compassion and returning to our natural state of ease and wellbeing. Merrilee talks about the painful shift of going from changing things externally to doing so internally. We both then touch on the practice of Somatic Experiencing as major vehicle for actual healing happening in our bodies.
  • Min 35.05 – 38.10: Brief guided meditation for you all listening explore what’s alive for you and what this content is bringing up.
  • Min 38.11 – 58.45: Merrilee and I are going deeper into Somatic Experiencing, both the science behind it and the difficult turn to move to sensations in our body at times. Shea also brings in Thich Nhat Hanh’s perspectives on stopping and looking deeply.
    • Merrilee and Shea are exploring alternate strategies to healing and wellbeing without taking a full year off and doing so in the midst of times of stress with work and the relationships around us.
    • Is healing possible and do we deserve it? We’re exploring some of our limiting beliefs that may prevent us from dedicating any time towards more inner aliveness and ease.
    • We’re discussing the important aspect of human co-regulation. Of not doing everything alone and how to find that support from others with different strategies.
  • Min 58.46 – 1:03.08: We close the show by talking about some concrete and practical takeaways we’d like to pass along for anyone starting out or wanting to deepen their inner healing journey.

I’d love to pass it over to you and get your take on what we talked about in today’s episode. How have you been exploring and finding healing in your own day to day life? What resonated from our sharing?

Please leave a comment below or email us directly at l.widrich@gmail.com.

The Tender Heart community members (from left: Shea, Leo, Millie, Merrilee)

Ep. 01: Exploring masculinity, vulnerability and healing old pains

Posted on by Leo Widrich

I’m beyond excited to share the first episode of the Tender Heart podcast with you. Shea and I have decided to put some of our explorations around healing into podcast form and share them with the world.

For the first episode, we dove into our experiences of what it means to be men in 2019. Shea and I explore key questions around how we’ve both been socialized as men, what difficulty that caused for us in our lives and how we’ve taken steps to expand our definition of manhood.

Here’s a brief breakdown of what we’ve discussed:

  • Min 1.40 – 8.16: Intro discussion of some of our fears around sharing our stories publicly and grounding
  • Min 6.33 – 25.00: I’m describing my story around masculinity, particularly from my time of being an entrepreneur (I cofounded a company called Buffer), and how success and achieving was one of the few things that helped me feel alive and be worthy of love and acceptance.
  • Min 25.01 – 42.19: Shea’s describing his story of being socialized as a man in New York city, and the impact that the influences of marijuana, rap music and his circle of friends had. He also describes his first contact of being with men that were breaking open his perspectives of what it means to be a man, particularly around his College professor Gordi and the buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh.
  • Min 42.20 – 54.25: I’m going back to my own story of leaving my life as an entrepreneur behind and finding refuge in living in Buddhist monasteries, discovering the practice of Somatic Experiencing and finding more flow and ease in my body after a life of rigidity and striving.
  • Min 55.36 – 57.30: We’re wrapping up with a final quote from Pema Chodron:

If we want there to be peace in the world, we have to be brave enough to soften what is rigid in our hearts, to find the soft spot and stay with it. We have to have that kind of courage and take that kind of responsibility. That’s the true practice of peace.

Pema Chodron, Practicing Peace in Times of War

Since this is our first episode, we’d love to hear your feedback if you’re willing to listen in for a bit. How does the content land with you? In particular, how do you feel about some of the more experiential practices of the podcast, where we pause and invite self-reflection to you who is listening?

Please share with me in the comments or email me l.widrich@gmail.com how this is resonating with you.

The most helpful book I read in 2018

Posted on by Leo Widrich

After a look at my Amazon order history for kindle books in 2018, I see I bought 32 books so far this year. Most of them I thoroughly enjoyed, some  I haven’t even opened yet and there’s one in particular, that I’d like to share with you about. It touched me and helped me on a level that I feel is worth sharing with the world and I’m convinced it can help so many more people out there. In fact, I’ve recommended the book to more people than I can remember ever recommending a book to in the past and if you know me more personally, you’ll see I recommend books often.  

The title is “Meet Me in Hard-to-Love Places” (not an affiliate link and I’m not paid in any way to write about this :), written by Eric Bowers, a counselor, NVC trainer and musician. From the very beginning, even the title itself already really drew me in. 

In short, it’s a book about having inspiring relationships. That’s a lofty goal I thought when I picked it up, because who doesn’t want to have those kinds of relationships with their partners, friends, co-workers? And yet, I also felt some slight despair reading it in the introduction, because of disappointments I felt in the past reading other or similar books that were intending to offer the same. It was even more of a relief when the book delivered so well on it’s intention for me after reading it. 

Since I read the book, I believe it has helped me dramatically improve the relationship to my girlfriend and my close friends. Most importantly, it’s given me a framework, backed by science how to move through difficult moments when they come up. Since I’m imagining that’s something many people out there would like, I can’t help but shout from the rooftops about it. 

Continue reading “The most helpful book I read in 2018” →

Why sending kindness to strangers is possible and the science behind it

Posted on by Leo Widrich

Some time ago, I read about a practice called “Stealth Metta” by Tara Brach, who’s a meditation teacher I’ve followed for some time. The idea is that you can send kindness (metta in sanskrit) to people with your thoughts who you pass on the street or who wait in line with you at the coffeeshop and they will receive it in some way. The terminology I’ve often heard in this context is that you can “send energy”, which always sounded so promising and and beautiful and yet also a bit too elusive to me, where I needed more trust that this is really possible.

Continue reading “Why sending kindness to strangers is possible and the science behind it” →